Listening is a central part of communication. Listen to the other people involved in the conflict. Each person should be given time to share their perspective. Other people present should listen, and pay attention to what is being said. Try not to interrupt. Wait for the person to finish speaking. Paraphrase and summarise what you have heard to demonstrate you were listening. For example, you may say, ‘What I hear you saying is that you are frustrated with the service.’ Wait for the person to clarify that this is what they intended to say.

Empathy is the ability to see a situation from another person’s perspective. Being empathetic can be hard if you are caught up in the emotion of a situation. Take a moment to breathe, and then try to focus on what the other person is saying.

For example, if a person appears angry, you may use empathy to try and understand why they may be feeling angry, rather than focusing on the fact that they are angry with you.  

The cause of the conflict may not be immediately apparent, especially if the situation is emotionally heightened. Allow parties, or yourself, time to cool down and think before trying to verbally resolve a situation. This could involve stepping into another room for a moment, or taking a day to think about what happened before addressing the conflict directly.  

If you are involved in a conflict, one of the most powerful things you can do is take ownership of your part of the conflict. This can be extremely difficult, particularly if the conflict is very recent, and emotions are high. But when you take ownership, the situation is likely to defuse, or at least change quite quickly. When you take ownership, you encourage the other party to take ownership too.

For example, if the conflict is about a misunderstanding, accept that you may have miscommunicated the information, and ask if there is any way you can improve the situation.

A win-win solution is when all parties are satisfied with the outcome. Help parties identify what they hope to achieve from the situation. Identify where overlaps occur. Both parties should be involved in identifying possible solutions. Both parties should agree on the solutions before proceeding.

For example, if a person is complaining about too much overtime, help the person identify their desired outcome, and see how they meet the organisation’s needs. Check with the person that they are satisfied with the outcome.